1. Reporter too Intelligent
A smart reporter has
once joined a local newspaper as an editor. To discover her talent the paper
assigned her a first job to cover the activities of a small church in the
neighborhood.
The small church lacked
funds. The preacher wanted to raise money for his church. Someone told him that
horse racing was the best bet to raise fast money. He then went to buy a horse
and as the price was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He
entered his donkey in the races leaving the results in the Hand of God.
The next day the
smart reporter carried the headline in the local paper: "PREACHER'S ASS
SHOWS"
The preacher was
delighted with the donkey’s performance that he entered it in the race again,
and this time it won.
The smart reporter's
headline in the paper read as: PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so
upset with this kind of publicity and immediately ordered the preacher not to
enter the donkey in the race again.
Next Day the smart
reporter wrote: BISHOP SCRATCHES
PREACHER'S ASS
Bishop was so upset
again that he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher
decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.
Next day the paper
headline read: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN
TOWN
The Bishop this time
fainted. He immediately informed the nun to get rid of the donkey. The nun then
sold it to a farmer for Rs.15/-.
Next day the headline
read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR Rs.15/-.
The Bishop seething
in anger over the publicity asked the nun to buy back the donkey and let loose
it in the wilderness to make it run wild and free.
Next day, the smart
reporter wrote: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Next day the bishop
died of shock and was buried the following day.
**********
2. Finding Jesus
A drunk on a Sunday
afternoon stumbles along a Baptismal Service taking place down by the river.
He proceeds to walk
down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The Preacher turns and
notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find
Jesus?"
The drunk looks back
and says, "Yes, Preacher. I sure am."
The Preacher then
dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you
found Jesus?" the preacher asked.
"No, I
didn't!" said the drunk.
The Preacher then
dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now,
brother, have you found Jesus?"
"No, I did not
Reverend."
The Preacher in
disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time brings him out of
the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, have you found Jesus
yet?"
The drunk wipes his
eyes and says to the Preacher, "Are you sure this is where HE fell
in?"
**********
Once there lived a
man of mighty faith. His faith was such that he commands God to do his bidding.
Once there was a mighty flood that submerged his city. His neighbor invited him
into his boat, "Come with me I'll take you to
the safe place."
The man
politely refused saying, "I have faith in the Lord, and He will save
me."
Two hours
later as the water continued to rise another neighbor passed in a rubber raft,
offering to take him to a safe place.
Again he
refused saying, "I have faith in the Lord, and He will save me."
Four
hours passed. The man clung to the chimney, trying to avoid the rising
water. A helicopter hovering overhead
threw down a ladder "Climb up. We take you to a safe place!" The
pilot said.
Again he
refused saying, "I have faith in the Lord, and He will save me."
After
that no one came and he met his fate in the watery grave. Standing before God,
the man said, "Lord I believed in you, my faith was strong and unwavering
and You let me drown!"
Looking
at him God replied, "I sent a boat first, then a raft, and finally a
helicopter. What more did you want from me!"
**********
4. Black Eyes
A guy with a black eye walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. "What happened my child?"
"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie at her back. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."
The next Sunday the scene was repeated. Again the priest asked, "What happened?"
"Well, again this lady had a wedgie and this time somebody pulled it out. I thought as she didn't like the wedgie to be set right, I tried to shove her dress back up creating the wedgie."
**********
5. What if all the 3 Crore Gods had Computers in those days...
Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Systems Support
Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts Consultant
Shiva: DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh: Documentation Specialist
Narada: Data Transfer / Troubleshooting Spoiler
Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer
Yama: Reorganization Consultant
Chitragupta: Personnel Records
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Utility Applications
Surya: Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas: In-house Hackers
Ram: Hardware Support - Single User Specialist
Lakshman: Support Software and Backup
Hanuman: Document Recovery Expert
Ravan: Dreaded Virus which refuses to go
Vishwamitra: Chief Manager Projects
Hastinapur: Silicon Valley
Arjuna: #1 Lead Programmer (All Companies Vie for Him)
Abhimanyu: Trainee Programmer
Draupadi: Web Server - Shareware
Bhima: MAIN FRAME
Duryodhana: Microsoft Products Chief
Kauravas: Microsoft Service Packs and Patches.
Shakuni: Chief Hacking Expert
Karna: Contract Programmer
**********
6. The Programming Contest: Jesus Vs Satan
As usual Satan was tempting Jesus Christ. This time Satan has invited Jesus to a Programming Contest. The Savior willingly accepted the challenge. With God Almighty as the Judge, the Programming Contest ran from morn to evening.
Sparks flew from the keyboard, and a sublime glow emanated from the monitors of Satan and Jesus. Suddenly a few moments before when the contest was to end, a bolt of lightning struck and the computers went dead.
A few minutes later after the power returned God Almighty arrived and looked into the results. The Devil fumed and complained bitterly, as it had lost the whole day's work. And Jesus fared well and won the contest because, as everyone knows, JESUS SAVES.
**********
