Thursday, August 22, 2013

Jokes on Religion 2

9.  Black Eyes
A guy with a black eye walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. "What happened my child?"

"I was singing in the choir, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had a wedgie at her back. So I pulled it out, and she punched me in the eye."

The next Sunday the scene was repeated. Again the priest asked, "What happened?"

"Well, again this lady had a wedgie and this time somebody pulled it out. I thought as she didn't like the wedgie to be set right, I tried to shove her dress back up creating the wedgie."


10.  Chocolate Almonds... So Yummy
A priest once visited a house of an elderly lady to pray for her health and wealth.

"Good Day Mrs. Smith. I thought I would drop by and pray for your goodness, health and wealth."

The woman says, "Oh just fine Father, come on in and have some tea."

While sitting, the priest notices a bowl of almonds on the table. "Mind if I have one?" The priest asks.

"Not at all, have as many as you like".

After a while, the priest preparing to leave thanks the Lady.. "Oh dear, I must be going. And sorry I’ve eaten all your almonds. I’ll replace them on my next visit."

The replied, "Oh don’t bother, Father. Ever since I lost all my teeth, I just lick the chocolate off the almonds."


11.  Not Computer Savvy
Q: Why did Lord Shiva & Parvati did not learn computers?

A: Becoz Ganapati ran away with the Mouse !


12.  What if all the 3 Crore Gods had Computers in those days...
Brahma: Systems Installation
Vishnu: Systems Support
Lakshmi: Finance and Accounts Consultant
Shiva: DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh: Documentation Specialist
Narada: Data Transfer / Troubleshooting Spoiler
Brihaspathi: Chief Information Officer
Yama: Reorganization Consultant
Chitragupta: Personnel Records
Apsaras: Downloadable Viruses
Devas: Utility Applications
Surya: Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas: In-house Hackers
Ram: Hardware Support - Single User Specialist
Lakshman: Support Software and Backup
Hanuman: Document Recovery Expert
Ravan: Dreaded Virus which refuses to go
Vishwamitra: Chief Manager Projects
Hastinapur: Silicon Valley
Arjuna: #1 Lead Programmer (All Companies Vie for Him)
Abhimanyu: Trainee Programmer
Draupadi: Web Server - Shareware
Duryodhana: Microsoft Products Chief
Kauravas: Microsoft Service Packs and Patches.
Shakuni: Chief Hacking Expert
Karna: Contract Programmer


13.  The Programming Contest: Jesus Vs Satan

As usual Satan was tempting Jesus Christ. This time Satan has invited Jesus to a Programming Contest. The Savior willingly accepted the challenge. With God Almighty as the Judge, the Programming Contest ran from morn to evening.

Sparks flew from the keyboard, and a sublime glow emanated from the monitors of Satan and Jesus. Suddenly a few moments before when the contest was to end, a bolt of lightning struck and the computers went dead.

A few minutes later after the power returned God Almighty arrived and looked into the results. The Devil fumed and complained bitterly, as it had lost the whole day's work. And Jesus fared well and won the contest because, as everyone knows, JESUS SAVES.


14.  Board Meeting of the Church
After a long, dry sermon, the minister announced he wished to meet with the church board following the close of the service. However, the first man to arrive was a total stranger.

"You misunderstood my announcement. This is a meeting of the board," said the minister.

"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more bored than I am, I'd like to meet him!"


15.  What does BIBLE mean?
A proud son told his father, "I know what the Bible means!"

His father smiled and said, "OK tell me. What does the Bible means?'"

"That's easy, Daddy," the young boy replied excitedly, "It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'"


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